PTSD - Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome: Dealing With INSANITY

Having to deal with the world's insanity causes stress disorder. Disillusion makes for depression, just as expectation leads to disappointment. The world is mad, as dumb as mud. Some people THINK they see it for what it is. No wonder they say, "I don't want to be here." But it is not like that. Not really.

Every day in the recent past I have sat down to write posts of insights and understandings from spiritual illumination, and I wind up listening to YouTube stories and music instead. I want to write, but I am diverted by a feeling of pointlessness. A sort of melancholy. "What's the use?" Fortunately, I know the answer, yet the depression makes me turn to entertainment instead of work. I wondered why I might be depressed. "Oh," it came to me, "from the end of November, 2020, to the middle of March, 2021, I was in a living hell. For over a hundred days straight I had to deal with the INSANITY of the world. The turning of the world to dung." That was illumination I did not want. I guess Providence wanted to shake me out of the complacency I have developed in my insulated world.

"What's the point?" I wondered in hell. "They are not listening. They reject my version of God. They even blame me for God blessing me. They actively CHOOSE ignorance. 'I don't want to know!' they say. They opt for ruination. So why should I continue to..."

Hey! I have been here before. In 1975, kneeling before a folding chair in Grace Bible Church in Honolulu, I found myself to be INSANE. I had by God's grace been given life, and was living that life according to whatever I decided to do. But now I saw that "my" life was God's. I belonged to Him!! I had been robbing Him of whatever purpose He had intended for me when He gave me life. I was supposed to be doing HIS will, not mine. He must have had some reason to create me, to make me to live, and I was rebelling against that.

God was hyper real to me at that moment. Terror and grief slammed me as I realized what I had done, and Who it was before Whom I kneeled. I had no out but to die. Not to kill myself, but to end my self-lordship. Trusting what I knew of God's love and mercy, that this world is according to the Bible and not the natural mechanics we see, I surrendered and submitted myself to Him. "I" died. Whatever God told me to do, that I would do. Casting all self-control out of myself (I was surprised I did not fall down), I shut up and waited. If He did not say anything, I would still be there today. After a short while I heard the Voice: "Remember this, and it is all right." I was forgiven all my insanity, my self-direction, my rebellion. I was accepted, and in ecstasy I was filled with the Holy Spirit.

Now I live in this insanity, the insanity of the ignorance of the world, knowing that this is God's world, His life, and that I am to do whatever He says to do. In 1975 He said, "Come unto Me." Now I hear Him saying, "Assume Me." I.e., imagine what it would be like if it were true, that this WAS His Manifestation, that we have His nature. This reminds me of Dr. Frank C. Laubach's Christ Liveth In Me and Game With Minutes (1961, Westwood, NJ: Fleming H. Revell Company), the latter (p.44ff) being to have God or God's thoughts in mind at least one second in as many minutes of the day as possible. The "Law" of the Old Testament was and is the nature of God - having and manifesting His righteousness and integrity 24/7, not the keeping of individual laws in feigned obedience. Not in my wildest dreams am I there, but I have a calling: "Do that while here." Do the sane while in and among the insane. This "death" (of self-will, self -direction, self-lordship) is into Life, the way to deal with insanity.