DeBorah: How I Removed the Block I Could Not Move

When I began to ask for the gift of tongues, nothing happened. I asked more earnestly. Nothing happened. I gave God more of me: my body, my mind, my future. Nothing happened. After some time, it dawned on me that God rejected me. Where could I turn? How could I make myself acceptable? I hadn't a clue and began to cry.

My searching mind entered a trance. In my mind's eye I saw what appeared to be a trail in a wash, a river bed. As the trail proceeded a wall raised up on the side, and it got higher as I went along the trail. Then the trail turned into a gap in the wall. I was blocked from proceeding by huge cube -- a giant block! I could not follow the trail to how I could become acceptable.

I was at a loss. Stymied. I could not move the block; it was too heavy. I couldn't jump high enough to climb over it. I couldn't squeeze by it. I thought of backtracking to where the wall was shorter and coming back to the trail from the other side, but the trail went down a hole underneath the block. I had to get down there to become acceptable to God, yet I had no way to get there. I was cut off!

I looked for a name on the block -- what was blocking me? I couldn't find anything. It was just a impassible barrier -- the thing that made me totally unacceptable to God. He wouldn't touch me with a ten-foot pole. I felt lost and crushed inside. In my mind -- I don't know if I said it out loud or not -- I cried out: "Lord, I don't know what it is, but whatever it is, I give it to you." I surrendered big-time. Whatever it was, it was in his hands now.

The block disappeared, and I saw the trail descending. In there I found out what had blocked me and made me totally unacceptable to God: my own self-lordship. I had been ruling over the life God had given me ('Israel' is the exact opposite: God ruling over my life). I had given myself to God as his peer. If I didn't like what he did with me, I was going to take myself back! THAT was a no-go!
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Dan,

This is powerful to read, but I'm not sure I quite understand why God rejected you. Aren't you God's peer? What exactly is going on between you and God?

DeBorah
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DeBorah,

No, I am not God's peer. I am God. There is not another, a separate God, which is what being his peer would mean. God is one and utterly rejects dualism, the concept of anything being apart from him. The whole point of the Bible is that everything is one integrated, organic whole.

Dan Steele