Why I Do Not Deconvert From Christianity (1)

Please forgive me for not posting regularly. I had to process the videos I have seen of people who have de-converted from Christianity. Common themes: history, science, evolution, evidence. Most have not realized that the people from whom they learned Christianity did not know what Christianity IS. Personally, I do not think of Christianity as a religion but as a philosophy, a philosophy engaged.

I confessed and accepted Jesus as Lord and Savior. I felt good about being saved. Later, I naively knelt at a folding chair to receive the gift of tongues. Nothing happened. Instead of walking out saying, "This is bs," I was crushed. I realized that although I had accepted Jesus, He had not accepted me! I sobbed. I wept. I mentally sought why I was not acceptable. He showed me. I had kept my self-lordship, rule of myself apart from Him. When I attained (or rather de-attained) to a contrite and humble spirit, He said, "Remember this, and it is all right." I was accepted not for believing the literalness of biblical history or any of the other nonsense Christians identify as Christianity, but for identifying myself as being God's. I am simply--WE are simply--a part of Him.

I had asked for the gift of tongues. When the sensation of living water rose within me to my mouth, I provided only the physicality of the language that came out of me. My body was speaking in a tongue, and my mind was consciously aware that I was speaking, but I had no part at all in intending or composing what was said! The guidance of my body's speaking was 100% the Holy Spirit. If you were told to speak in gobbledygook and that that was the gift of tongues or the baptism in the Holy Ghost, you were snowed by a walnut. DON'T GO AWAY from Christianity, go towards it. It is real as a philosophy which can be engaged and lived in humble, loving submission.

Oh, yeah, why I do not deconvert. Since my spirit was broken and I found myself in submission, I have had EVIDENCE. Evidence of a real invisible intelligent Power. A power which loves, draws, and heals. And rules. I am a part of it, submitted to It. All you really have to do is recognize that you are, too.