Original Spider Hole, Bite, And Solution

I descended down a ramp where the large, grey, concrete block had been. I entered a dimly lit compartment like the Renshaw's (my ship in the Navy) command center. I came upon a flat expanse of earth, of fine mud. The outline of a man appeared in the mud, and an invisible scoop pressed in at the line and spooned out the figure of a man. He was just mud, and was deposited/ placed before me, the expanse of earth behind him. I watched entranced as the mud was transformed into bones, muscles, organs, nerves, blood vessels, skin, and hair. It became a perfectly formed human being. And then it was given life. It breathed. Its eyes could see. I wondered, "What does it think, seeing things for the first time, with never having had any thoughts before? How does this register? What can it comprehend?"

The mudman turned and looked out across the plain of the earth to hills in the far distance. This was especially weird, because I was underground. Yet the sun was high in the sky, and the man said, "This is earth. The sun will set, and it will get cold. I need to find shelter in those hills." How he knew these things, I do not know. How I heard what he thought, I do not know. The mudman took off walking toward the hills, and I as an invisible unit of imagination followed him, listening to his thoughts and imagining what he must be seeing through his eyes. We entered a forest at the base of the hills. Safety from wild animals was foremost in his thoughts. "Can I build a fort-like structure among the trees sufficient to protect myself?" he wondered. "Can I find a cave in the hillside that doesn't already have a wild beast in it?"

I did not notice when it sealed, but his thoughts became my thoughts, and his sight became my sight. I transitioned from listening to his thoughts to talking to myself as I looked around. I was scurrying around the hills and the forest, looking for a safe place to bed, firewood to stay warm with, and for food to eat. I caught myself thinking, "Should I gather firewood or food first? How do I know what is safe to eat if I have never seen food before? Should I gather food to eat first, or plant what I find to have food in the future?"

That was the idea, the sentence that hit me like a two-by-four up alongside the head. Emotionally, it was akin to terror, fear, and regret. For I had an epiphany of what I was doing--I was using the life I had been given by God entirely for my own purposes, entirely under my own command. As I wanted, I did. But it wasn't my life--it was GOD's life. He must have had a purpose in mind when He had given it to me. What had He expected me to do? Well, THAT was lost, because I had absconded with His life. I was a thief, a rebel: I had stolen God's life. I had not even said, "Thank you," to God for the life He had given me. I had not even given a THOUGHT to God. Yet now I realized that He had not given me life for ME; He had given me life for HIM!

The magnitude of my error overwhelmed me. I think I was physically shaking. I was dizzy, desperate, confused, and frightened. I couldn't give God the last twenty-five years of His purpose for making me--I had already spent it. I had lorded over "my" life as though it were really mine. THE VENOM WAS KILLING ME. How could I make it up to God? The only option I had was to surrender to God, submit to Him thoroughly, and "un" everything I had done. Then wait to see what He would do.

That moment I learned what God had sent me into the occult for: I cast my self-control, my self-lordship out of myself. I could never had done that in the manner I did without the training I had received at the metaphysical school. I cast my self-control out of myself, and the Holy Ghost caught me. Else I would have fallen onto the floor like a blob of Jello. With no self-control to hold me up, I was suspended in His arms. I envisioned myself kneeling, surrendered at a great felled pine high in the mountains, and His Glory spreading across the sky like aspenglow. I dared not look up, but said, "You are Glorious God. I am a mudman. Whatever You want me to do. I will do." Then I shut up and waited.

After awhile, I heard the softest of voices: "Remember this, and it is all right." I was forgiven! Accepted!! In my joy and gratitude and appreciation, He filled me with the Holy Ghost, with Him controlling my body in the speaking of a language I otherwise did not know. My spider bite was healed.