Was He Real? This Isn't.

From the song "Torn," by Ednaswap:

“Illusion never changed

Into something real.”

Such a sad lyric. It haunts me. Illusion CAN change into something real. It has for me and for millions of others throughout history. That is the story of Jesus Christ. This illusion turns into what is real, and is thus SEEN to be illusion. Really spoils the one who sees. Talk about being jaded: in this world, and not of it.

"No eye has seen and no ear has heard, and the human heart has not perceived, that which God has consecrated for those who have mercy on him.* 10. To us, however, God revealed it through His Spirit, for the Spirit can fathom anything, even the depths of God. 11. For which human being knows what it is to be human, if it were not for the human spirit within them. Likewise no human being knows about God, except for the Spirit of God. 12. We, however, did not receive the spirit of the world, except [we received] the Spirit from God, in order that we may know the endowment we received from God. 13. Even these things that we speak, are not through the knowledge of words, by human wisdom, except through the enlightenment of the Spirit, and regarding spirits we have contemplated spiritually. 14. For the human being is a lone soul and [human beings] cannot receive that which is spiritual*, for that causes contention* in them, and they cannot comprehend how to judge the spiritual. 15. The holy Spirit, however, judges everything, and He cannot be judged by any human being. 16. For who understands the Lord's perception, so as to teach Him? We, however, have Christ's perception" (1st. Corinthians 2:9-16 Alexander).

We are self-dumbed down. From Spirit to human. For illusion to turn into something real, we have to hit the Spirit switch. That is the switch we are looking for when we go forward at church altar calls, kneel in prayer, etc.. When I meditated in the occult, I was humanly seeking to turn myself spiritual. Didn't work. All I got was a demon. But I also got a glimpse of the reality, in that Jesus intervened in preventing the demon from getting me. He couldn't have done that if He wasn't there.

At the House of Praise, I "gave" myself to Jesus. That did not work, because a) He already owned me; b) I was considering Him to be separate from me, not in me and vice versa; and c) in giving myself, I considered myself to be His peer, able to take myself back if I did not like what He did with me. Needless to say, giving myself to God on these terms did not turn the Spirit switch.

At Grace Bible Church in Honolulu, I asked Jesus to give me the gift of tongues. I didn't even know what it was, except everyone else at the House of Praise did it. So I asked Jesus for the gift of tongues, and nothing happened. Considering the context, that was a little embarrassing. I was aware that something was SUPPOSED to happen, and it hadn't. An inner desperation in seeking God turned the Spirit switch to ON. I sought God and how to become acceptable to Him with my whole heart. The reality was out there, and I wasn't getting it. I did not like that. I did not like that one bit. That was unacceptable to me. Inwardly, I gripped tight.

Which led to my seeing the conditions of my "conversion" (a, b, and c above) that made me unacceptable to God, and to my repentance from them. I fully surrendered and submitted to God, was accepted, and entered euphoria.

What a lovely trip, right? No. That was all mental, an illusion. Illustrative Spirit speech in the mind and emotions, but nothing real. But then I felt the sensation of water, of Life filling and rising up in my bowels. It was Power and Presence. My spirit was being enlivened. Illusion was becoming something real. It reached my throat, and it took control of my body. I could not praise God for His grace adequately in English, so the Holy Spirit did so for me. Except for the love and adoration and appreciation and gratitude in my heart, I was completely divorced from what was happening with my mouth. I did not make babbling sounds; I spoke a clearly articulated language which seemed to express what my heart was feeling.

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Another time, I saw in a daydream Jesus being scourged and crucified for me. I greatly wanted and sought to make it me being crucified and not Him, for it was MY sins I needed to pay for. "Can't do it, kid. You OWE a perfect life for the perfect life you were given. Got one? Negats. Only I do." Desperation in seeking again pressed the Spirit button. Troubled seeing Jesus nailed to the cross, He turned His face directly to me and said AUDIBLY IN MY BRAIN, "Come unto Me." Illusion became something real.

Another time I had hyper-extended my back. Elders at my church laid hands on me and prayed, and my back was healed. Illusion became something real. More recently, I was mentally stoked in a fantasy I had about all existence being the manifestation of the intelligence of the Ineffable. Everything is Its intelligence! At the time, I had a terrible pain from a sprain in my shoulder. I thought the words in my mind, "You can heal me." In the instant I thought it, the pain vanished.

Illusion is illusion. What is real is back there, out of sight, but is real. I pray you will find the Spirit switch, and that your illusion will become something real, too.